This Poem is Backlit
by Alexandra van de Kamp
by shoeshine clouds and wreathed
in a resonant sneeze. This poem wants
another cup of caffeine
to take on the headlines again,
with state legislatures
voting mean. Can I have another
umbrella, please, for this senior citizen
whose been standing in the sultry heat,
for the woman with the unkempt hair
trying to vote as the rain drains down
her rumpled coat? This poem smells
of crushed sage from a walk in Spain
and the mountain in North Wales
I tried to climb when I was twenty.
Note to self: avoid rubber-soled boots
when knee-deep in snow and hiking
with beer-smitten geology students.
Dear Reader: Don’t underestimate
how much it takes to get perspective
on the moment you are in. This poem
is a bouquet of yes’s—some of them
happier than others, such as the yes to
marrying my husband at 32. Not the yes
to the Oxford grad I met on a London train
who was aghast when I told him
I was still a virgin and asked me back
to a dingy hotel by the station.
Not his hands like oil slick
on my skin and the stare
of the receptionist when we arrived,
like I was some kidnapped
teenage bride.
This poem is a roll call on all
that a poem can’t solve: the people
who furl their tongues so silkily
around a lie, gods of their own slick,
gnarly gardens—the squash and radishes
sweating in the August sun.
This poem is not the height of the Eiffel Tower
when you place its pages end-to-end, not
the hotel where I stayed in the Latin Quarter,
with its bulging walls and motorcycle bar
downstairs. My sister and I had to pay
10 centimes to use the bathroom in the hall.
This poem is not those centimes
but it could, if required, become
an umbrella, a tiny and limber
roof of breath
held over your soft
and dimpled head.
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I like this poem because of how it allows itself to make leaps from headlines and state legislatures to hiking in North Wales, youthful indiscretions, and needing 10 centimes to access a hotel bathroom in Paris. I thought of this as a type of ars poetica when I wrote it—a poem pushing at the boundaries of what could fit into one poem and, simultaneously, a poem describing what a poem can be. I also enjoy the sense of play at work here that allowed me to open up what I included within this poem. I’m not sure all the leaps and images cohere, but then I also like this poem for that!
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ALEXANDRA VAN DE KAMP is the Executive Director for Gemini Ink, San Antonio’s Writing Arts Center. Her most recent book of poems is Ricochet Script (Next Page Press, 2022). alexandravandekamppoet.com